You are there. You finally realized that “I am the love of, the love of my life”, as sings Jennifer Lopez. And you decided to get acquainted with this love.

It might be weird when I say this, but as in any relationship, you need to spend time “together”. You need to go on a date with yourself. We talked about this in my first letter to you when we discussed growing in the habit of reflection.

How do you date yourself?

First, put yourself as a priority. Just as couples that have been together for a while need to make sure to schedule their date night - and even sex (!) - , you also need to schedule your date with yourself. Remember, you are the person you have been hanging with the longest - and possibly neglected the most, since you are so used to yourself, you forget you are there. Schedule on your calendar time for self-care and self-exploration.

If you have a busy schedule, this is even more important - it will only happen if you put it in the calendar.

Second, define what you want to do with yourself. In my book 12 steps to Find-U, I have a whole session called “Connect” that talks about getting in touch with yourself. Connecting with your body, your emotions, defining what it is that you need in this relationship with yourself.

An interesting idea, shared by Jay Shetty in his book “8 Rules of Love” is to do things you never did by yourself and see how you feel. These “solo adventures” help you realize how you feel being only with yourself. For example, the other day, I went to a restaurant for myself and made sure not to escape into doing stuff on my phone. Another day I went to the movies alone (I watched The Little Mermaid, in case you were wondering). This was a first, and the truth is - I didn’t miss at all having other people with me. I was enough! Not the same in the restaurant, though.

Third, make sure to be disconnected from distractions, such as computer and phone. Otherwise, you are just ignoring yourself, leaving your “self” on the background, while you do other things.

Lastly, observe and reflect. We are back to reflection. You want not only to be there but to get to know yourself. See where you felt comfortable and where you did not. Explore what comes to your mind, think about your dreams and aspirations. Give space for your feelings and pain to come out, work through them. Take care of yourself, and feed your desires. Enjoy your own company.

With time, you will find out a lot of activities (if you don’t know it already) that you enjoy doing by yourself, and also learn to enjoy it without the need of other people.

Let me know how does it go for you.

Yours,